Abba Dukawa
Former Nigerian Head of State, General Ibrahim Badamasi Babangida (IBB), has reflected on his life and marriage, describing his late wife, Maryam Babangida, as the pillar of his personal and professional journey.
He credited her unwavering support, intelligence, and vision for shaping both his career and her own transformative role as Nigeria’s First Lady.
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IBB shared these reflections in his memoir, A Journey in Service, which was released to the public in Abuja. In the book, he detailed how his relationship with Maryam began before the Nigerian Civil War and evolved into a lifelong partnership that played a crucial role in his leadership and governance.
A Love Story Forged in War
IBB’s journey with Maryam began long before his rise to power, tracing back to their early days in Bida, where they first met.
However, it was after surviving a near-death experience during the Nigerian Civil War that he realized the need for stability and companionship.
“THE ARMY DID not issue me a wife, but it made clear that having one would assist in career advancement. A stable family is a criterion for judging officers. After my first close encounter with death in the Civil War, I prioritized establishing a stable family life.
“My relationship with Maryam, born Maria in Asaba on November 1, 1948, was connected to my youth in Bida. Garba Duba, my friend from secondary school, and I entered Course Six at the Nigerian Military Training College (NMTC) in Kaduna on December 10, 1962.
“The initiation at NMTC was harsh. Duba left after a few days, telling his father he wasn’t suited for army life. His father gathered us for a pep talk, which prepared us for our future as officers.
“I first met Maria at Duba’s house. Duba’s aunt, Asabe, was Maria’s mother. We shared digs in Kaduna, and I saw more of her. Duba was like a brother to her, which allowed me to spend time with Maria.
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“Young military officers often had short-lived liaisons, myself included. Despite this, I was fond of Maria, and she grew fond of me. Our relationship felt predestined.
At NMTC, I became more aware of her. We remained friends through my early army years, including training abroad.
“In April 1967, I left for a four-month course in the UK, but I was recalled in July due to political turmoil. By the time I returned, the nation was at war,” he wrote.
The Decision to Settle Down
His near-fatal injury in 1969, during combat near Umuahia, forced him into deep reflection. Lying in a hospital bed, he resolved to build a stable family, and Maryam became the natural choice.
He admired her reserved nature and upbringing, and despite his reputation as a ladies’ man, he was determined to convince her.
IBB stated, “Upon my return, I was posted to the war front and saw action. In April 1969, during our advance towards Umuahia, I was shot, and shrapnel lodged in my chest.
I was evacuated to Lagos University Teaching Hospital (LUTH). While convalescing, I reflected on my fortune in surviving and the future ahead. As the only male child, I was troubled that my death would end my family name.
“This was the first time I seriously considered finding a wife. At 28, it felt like time to settle down. The marriage of General Gowon to Victoria further focused my thoughts on marriage. Lying in bed, I recalled past relationships, often thinking of Maria Okogwu and her beauty.
“Maria’s father, Leonard Okogwu, worked in the Survey department and traveled widely. He married Hajiya Asabe Halima Mohammed from Kontagora. After his retirement, Maria and her siblings lived with their mother in Kaduna.
“Maria attended Queen Amina College and the Federal Training Centre in Kaduna. During the crisis before the Civil War, her uncle adopted her and her siblings, leading to the surname King on our marriage certificate.
“I had chosen Maria before leaving the hospital. After my discharge, I went to Kaduna to share my intentions. I admired her reserved nature and upbringing, and I was determined not to accept No. Fortune favored me, and I felt lucky.”
Maryam’s Reluctance and Conviction
Maryam was initially skeptical of IBB’s sincerity, wary of his reputation. Despite this, he enlisted the support of her family, particularly her uncle, to win her over.
He also assured her that he would remain faithful and avoid polygamy, a promise he upheld throughout their marriage.
IBB reminisced, “Initially, Maria was sceptical of me as marriage material due to my past. She doubted my seriousness, and others echoed her concerns. However, her family had no objections, and I enlisted help from Garba Duba’s father to strengthen my proposal.
“Once I showed my seriousness, Maria considered becoming Mrs. Babangida. I explained my faith and asked her to convert to Islam, which was not difficult for her given her background. She adapted easily to married life as a Muslim.
“In my proposal, I assured her I would not take multiple wives, understanding that avoiding polygamy would lead to a stable family life. I wanted a true partner, and she exceeded my expectations.
“After securing her promise, I returned to the war front, then we married on September 6, 1969, in Kaduna, following Islamic rites after her conversion.
“Many, including friends, doubted my ability to stay faithful, but I promised to uphold my marriage vows, which I did.
“After marriage, I was deployed to the Nigerian Defence Academy for two years, allowing us to settle as newlyweds. Maryam proved to be an excellent housewife, actively involved in my meals and our relationship. We handled disagreements independently and rarely quarreled.
“Maryam wanted to be more than a housewife; she recognized the importance of the home front in our mutual success. Throughout my career, she stood beside me.
“Observers may find it surprising that a focused woman could also be a devoted wife and mother. For me, her commitment to our family and country was the foundation of her success.”
A Power Couple in Leadership
As IBB’s career progressed, Maryam became more than just a supportive wife—she actively reshaped the role of First Lady.
She led initiatives to improve the lives of military families and, later, Nigerian women at large, pioneering projects that elevated her to an iconic status in governance.
“After I became Chief of Army Staff (COAS) in 1983, Maryam began to show the country her remarkable qualities and clear vision.
As President of the Nigerian Army Officers’ Wives Association (NAOWA), she was proactive, launching schools, clinics, women’s training centers, and child day-care centers to improve the lives of army officers’ families.
Her activism as President of NAOWA inadvertently brought us into the limelight as a power couple,” the former military leader recalled.
Maryam’s Legacy and Lasting Impact
Through the Better Life for Rural Women Programme, Maryam championed women’s empowerment, education, and economic development, leaving a legacy that outlived her.
Her influence extended beyond Nigeria, inspiring other African First Ladies to take active roles in societal development.
IBB stated, “As I look back on those activities during my time as COAS, I see the seeds of Maryam’s activist interpretation of the first lady’s role.
Evidence of Maryam as a go-getter came when I attended a military course in the United States. Maryam accompanied me and took a course at La Salle University in Chicago.
“During that time in the U.S., she showed particular interest in Eleanor Roosevelt, wife of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt. She read and inquired about her, clearly admiring her supportive role.
I suspect she wanted to model herself on FDR’s wife, learning about the role of a supportive wife and wanting to work alongside me to help achieve my goals. Like Eleanor Roosevelt, the ‘pet project’ became a means of doing good. I appreciated her immeasurably for this.
“I admired her clarity of mind in knowing the extraordinary demands on senior military officers at that time. The Home Front was a concept she embraced.
Maryam knew from the outset that I made and kept numerous friends. Since I became Chief of Army Staff, the traffic through our home increased, and she was charming and gracious to our guests.
“After my teaching assignment at the Nigerian Defence Academy (NDA), I rose through the military hierarchy, primarily due to the excellently marshalled home front.
Many of my assignments straddled military and government functions because the military was in power for an extended period.
“In 1985, after the coup that removed General Buhari, I served as Head of State and Commander-in-Chief.
Maryam and I were a team. Leading the government meant I had even less time for domestic duties. I was grateful to her for ensuring our children did not feel my absence too much.
“Maryam always left a place positively impacting it and those around her. Nowhere was this better demonstrated than during my time as head of state. It would not be hyperbole to describe her as Nigeria’s most effective First Lady. She reshaped the position as she conceived it.
“Let me clarify. There have been other worthy wives of Nigerian heads of state, each performing their role to the best of their ability. Our constitution does not recognize the role of a First Lady, so each occupant must define the role. Maryam took things to another level.
“She knew I intended to alter our nation’s evolution across various social and economic indices and saw an opportunity to positively affect the lives of women, specifically rural women.
Her thinking aligned with our desire to transform the social ecosphere, so I had no difficulty allowing her the leeway she required.
“I would not have contemplated this were it not for my confidence in her. We shared our thoughts, and I was satisfied with her plans as they evolved.
Her years as President of NAOWA presaged what lay ahead. Her clarity of thinking enabled her to reshape the role of First Lady in Nigeria and beyond, synchronizing the women’s agenda with our development agenda. She contributed to greater participation of women in society and government.
“I recognized that women were significantly underrepresented in national development, although rural women were a mainstay in agriculture. My contributions included appointing female state commissioners and Deputy Governors.
This backdrop enabled Maryam to create her outstanding work for alleviating women’s poverty—the Better Life for Rural Women programme.
“Her approach was systematic. She gathered a team of like-minded women, many academics, and assessed the plight of rural women by traveling around the country. This culminated in a Women in Rural Development workshop in Abuja in 1987.
“Maryam and her team devised a clear plan. Key touch points included adult education, co-operatives, improved agricultural practices, food processing, preservation, marketing, and healthcare.
As Chairperson of the Programme, she was supported by a National Organisation Committee, replicated at state and local levels.
“The extensive survey ensured a connection between the programme’s goals and what was required to achieve them. Mass participation was its mantra, which proved vital to its success.
“Many erroneously believed I made special funding provisions; I did no such thing. The programme’s worthiness ensured funding through self-help and voluntary donations. I gave Maryam a relatively free hand because I believed in her and the good she aimed to achieve.
“By 1991, four years after its commencement, rural women’s income-generating capacity improved as they embraced self-help.
The emphasis on agricultural produce and rural arts and crafts brought appreciable benefits. Rural women were generating more income and contributing to better lives for their families.
“Maryam’s efforts dovetailed with ongoing government programmes in primary healthcare and family planning. Adult literacy campaigns ramped up, and a National Centre for Women’s Development was established in Abuja.
“The overall impact of the Better Life for Rural Women Programme was incredible. By its fourth anniversary, the Programme had registered 7,635 corporations, 997 cottage industries, 1,751 new farms, 487 Better Life shops, 419 women’s centres, and 163 social welfare programmes.
“Rather than merely being a First Lady’s pet project, the Programme mobilized rural women for self-development and political participation.
“Maryam championed the plight and welfare of children everywhere, and her efforts did not go unnoticed. In 1991, the US-based Hunger Project recognized her contributions.”
A Love That Stood The Test of Time
IBB credits Maryam’s strength, devotion, and intelligence for making him a better leader and a better man. Even after her passing in 2009, he admits that his life remains divided into two—before and after Maryam.
“I never imagined Maryam would pass before me, but life is in Allah’s hands. My life is divided into before and after December 2009 (when she was here & since she’s been gone).
“I’m often asked why I fully supported the Better Life for Rural Women Programme. The answer is simple: Maryam and her team researched thoroughly and followed the evidence. It aligned with our socio-economic goals. She ran a tight ship at home—strict and disciplined—so I knew she’d approach this with the same dedication.
“She was resourceful and worked hard to establish an office for the First Lady, converting the old squash court at Dodan Barracks. My Political Adviser, Dr. Tunji Olagunju, assisted with logistics.
“Maryam was confident, intentional, and comfortable with people. She had native intelligence and made the most of every day as a wife, mother, advocate, and partner. We shielded our children from public scrutiny and decided together what was best for them.
“I’m grateful for our life together and our children. Coping without her is hard, but her memories and lasting impact make it easier,” IBB concluded.